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Lorenzo Von Matterhorn

November 16, 2009

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Morbid Christmas Song Parodies

The Morbid, The Bad And The Silly Some of the silly Christmas Song parodies I remember from elementary school. We Three Kings We three kings of Orient are, Puffing on a rubber cigar. It was loaded, it exploded. BANG! We two kings of Orient are, Puffing on a rubber cigar It was loaded, it exploded. BANG! I one king of Orient are, Puffing on a rubber cigar It was loaded, it exploded. BANG! Deck The Halls (with Gasoline) Deck the halls with gasoline. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Light a match & watch it gleam. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Now your school is down in ashes. Fa la la, la la la, la la la. Aren't you glad you played with matches? Fa la la la la, la la la la. Deck the halls with dynamite. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Press the plunger, see the lights. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Now your school's a bunch of rubble. Fa la la, la la la, la la la. Aren't you glad you stirred up ...

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Survival Of The Fittest M&Ms

(from someone who definitely has too much time on their hands) Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength....

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